Struggling With Consistency


It will come as no surprise to you, if you follow me here, that consistency has been a struggle for me. I'd like to say "lately" however, it has always been a struggle for me. I love change, sometimes too much. I'm much better at adapting to change, than diligently following a set plan. I'm not so much about Process, as I am about Experience.

When it comes to life, and the way I approach things, I always have high hopes for the way I want to live. I wake up with naive certainty that I will clean the entire house that day, when I usually only get to about half of the cleaning in reality, or I will decide to sit down and work on a week's worth of writing for this site, when all I can get done is one draft. It leaves me with the feeling like there is never enough time, and I judge myself harshly thinking, "why can't you be better / faster / stronger" which is a formula for massive discouragement (and definite raiding of the chocolate stash in the pantry). 

I know many women who are wonderful calendar-keepers, schedule-followers, and disciplined finishers. Consistency is not a thought for these women, but the design in which they surround everything, much like the rhythm of the waves crashing on the beach or the phases of the moon. I envy those women because it seems like they are always getting things done. But what I also know, is that my strength of adaptability is also a weakness. 

So much of me wants to have this whole site on a perfect editorial schedule, so you are never guessing if something new is coming or when, and I know the day will come. I get so frustrated with myself when I don't have something done on time. Part of me thinks this drive for consistency comes from a well-reasoned place; things don't get done without planning and execution. And the other part of me knows that sometimes fudging the schedule is necessary.

My husband knows that this is challenging for me, and he knows how much I want to share with you all ALL THE TIME, so he encouraged me to sit down and make a schedule that would enable me to have time to write, while still having time to make dinner, have shoulder time, and get ready for bed. And right now, this very moment, I am living that schedule and it's amazing. He and our girl are at the park, and I am writing. My head is clear, and I know exactly what I want to write. I've been looking forward to this all day, really. I can't believe how much I have been rebelling against consistency, when it does, in fact, bring me joy because I am making time for the things that are important to me and compartmentalizing them into my day. 

I don't know if any of you can relate to struggling with consistency or struggling with adaptability, but I would love to know your thoughts. How do you manage your time? What works best for you and your families? I know that in the end, we can all offer advice that helps the other, and hopefully we will find balance.